Peace of Mind Over Passion: A Revelation

Disclaimer: This article intends to harm no one’s reputation and is just a medium to let people know how important ‘Peace of Mind’ is by dictating here some of my personal incidents.

Everyone was getting fanatic over the situation. They were waiting outside for us to join for breakfast. They could hear the raised voices from the room I was in, having the ‘professional’ discussion. I asked my employer a question, ‘What’s more important, peace of mind or passion?’ He said, Peace of Mind. With that he got the answer, and I left.

Puffy eyes were trying to tell what happened but my smile was good enough to blame it over late night sleep. I was at the place where I wanted to go for so long and it was so beautiful. Serene blue water, floating phumdis(the floating piece of land covered in grass), mild sunshine and the chirping birds, what an adorable place it was. Lots and lots of water and floating green grass around, yet, I wanted to go back to my home. I wanted to hug my parents and sleep in my room and sense that belonging, feel that security, have that peace.

I was at Loktak lake in Manipur. It was peaceful but there was a war going on inside my head.
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It was 31st November 2018, I went for a short hike near our homestay to find some moment of solace, away from everyone and anyone unwanted. I went to a hill top from where I could see the entire Loktak lake. I could see the small lands floating in the middle, the floating houses, fishing boats and the setting Sun. The sky was set on ablaze by the golden sun rays and my mind, by the morning argument. The lake water was lit up in different hues of pink, yellow, orange and purple and my mood was just blue. Anybody who knows me would know how much I adore the Moon and the Sunset.  It was one of the most beautiful sunsets I ever witnessed and it was about to mark the ugliest decision that I had to take.
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My wandering thoughts took me to the month of June 2018 when I quit IT job to chase my dream of travel. I joined a trekking company, scaled one of the most dangerous mountain passes over the period of four months. My life as a trekker was good, but it ended way too soon with the onset of winters. I was surrounded with the fear of being jobless and did some hefty job searching.

Within a week, I got a job in another travel company that conducts roads trips and it was a long term assignment!  My responsibilities were to conduct tours, meet lot of new people, get the content, write and photograph, edit videos and travel! It was like a dream job, travel and do the things you like. I made long list of things I could do to help the brand grow and for personal development as well. I was dreaming about the new places and countries which we together could have covered, the company and me.
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The new job took me to the North Eastern part of India, that part of India where I have never been before and where I always wanted to go. But things were planned quite differently for me. The working environment was so extreme and mentally troubling that it damaged me in more ways than I expected anything from it to be.

I have worked before for five years and very well experienced in handling and dealing with the work pressure, but this job brought me face to face with the situations where I learned that I need to be vocal about the things that are unacceptable. I always had/have problem with saying ‘No’, no to the things or work expected out of me and this time it put me in trouble. I would not go in detail about what happened and what not for that’s the matter of my personal boundaries, but, it costed me a part of my self confidence and most importantly my mental peace.

That’s the problem with quitting your job and starting something new, everyone takes you for granted. Organizations think that they are doing you a favour by offering you a job, no matter how least payed it is because anyway you were jobless and without any ‘degree’ in the new field. And I think this mentality prevails at the both ends. I too felt obliged to the company because it took me to North East despite of my IT background and I anyway had no backup plan.
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This new job was clearly not working out for me, though I had no problem with the work but internal conflicts made the environment really hostile for me. I knew if I quit, I’ll be jobless and it’s a rare chance to get such job but then I questioned to myself, what is more important, Peace of Mind or Passion?

It was a hard decision I took, sitting on that cliff, watching the sunset of my well lit career, but I knew tomorrow the Sun would rise again. I made up my mind to quit my job, was that easy? hell no but tough part was to deliver my decision to the management and to listen to the rebuking and pressurising talks about the legal outcomes,  jobless situations and monetary losses!
Anyway I put an end to the much prevailed turmoil and where I had packed for 2 months, I returned back just after two weeks. The tough part was to re-gain the control of my life. I felt so much burned by the thought of ‘consciously giving up’ on the travel job, the thought of sitting idle at home and the thought of failing.

It took me a while to make myself understand that I did not fail and no organization did any favor by lending me a job of 10K where I am suppose to take groups and expected to write 50 articles in two weeks and behave like a personal photographer to the participants and then edit, upload photos everyday, write articles on phone while travelling and edit whole trip video within 12 hours after the trip ends. I come with an experience of 5+ years of blogging and travel writing for a renowned trekking company and some local publications and a fine enough experience in photography and video editing. And with all that I need not to lose even a bit of myself confidence.

I did not fail, I just choose Peace of Mind over Passion.
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With this post I want to tell you:

Nothing is worth your peace of mind. No matter how much or how less experience you have, no one have a right to treat you like a dirt and neither you should let anyone treat you in undignified manner. No matter what the situation is, you need not to take crap from anyone.

Sometimes you have to give up on things you dreamt of doing. That’s s tough thing to do. This does not mean an end to your dream job, you can find an alternative to pursue what you want. If you know what you want to do, you will find another path to achieve it. Don’t screw your head over one door, if it needs to be shut down, shut it down and hunt for another door.

Quitting ‘travel job’ after quitting the stable IT job was a very tough decision for me but I know I made the right decision. The sun sets beautifully that day and I am positive about the Sunrise 🙂

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